Yellowstone Tourist Files Complaint: “Please Train Your Bears”
Yellowstone national park wants to make sure that your visit is a pleasant one.
To that end, they ask for any input from their visitors.
That's probably a big mistake.
There will be a lot of trolls filling in the blanks.
Lots of stupid suggestions.
Then there are those who know they are just being downright silly.
That brings us to this note.
Out visit was wonderful.
But we never saw any bears.
Please train your bears to be where guests can see them.
This was an expensive trip to not see bears.
Pardon me, but was there any guarantee of seeing bears when visiting?
Was there any place where the park service said, "You'll see bears, for sure, we guarantee it."
No, there is not.
For that matter, and I know this is going to come as a shock to some tourists,
BEARS DO NOT WANT TO BE SEEN!
In fact, bears are more than just a little mistrusting of tourists, and with good reason!
Bears are happy when the tourist leave so they can roam the park without being disturbed.
Although, they do enjoy the garbage tourists leave behind.
Garbage is YUMMY!
Also, Yellowstone bears are not "trained."
This is not a zoo or a circus.
We have tried to train the tourist, so they don't get hurt while in the park.
That never seems to work.
No matter what we try they get burned, butted, and beaten.
Name a way to get injured and a Yellowstone tourist has found a way to do it.
In Yellowstone, the humans assume that they are the smart ones and the animals are dumb.
But hang out for a day and you'll find the opposite is true.
I was looking for videos that might offer the worst advice - EVER - on how to survive a bear attack.
WOW did I find a DOOZY!
You can watch the video below.
You'll want to stick with the video because the more you watch the more bizarre it gets.
Honestly, the first few minutes I was thinking, 'Gee this looks like great advice.'
THEN IT GOT WEIRD!
That statement above is SO TRUE!
You can literally use anything you can think of and nobody is going to call you out for bad sportsmanship.
Just be warned that bears understand this too.
So expect the bear to fight dirty.
The good news is that you'll probably be able to think of more clever ideas on how to fight dirty than the bears. Unless you're frozen in panic, then the bear has the advantage.
Step 2 is actually good advice. Don't run. Bears love to chase things kind of like cats do.
But I'm not so sure about this next step.
You'll just have to see what I mean by watching the video.
You can try to freak out the bear with puzzles and quizzes but most bears are pretty good at that kind of stuff.
DO NOT engage the bear in a game of Trivial Pursuit. You'll lose.
I'm betting I can beat a bear at chess. But maybe not checkers.
Step 11 only works if you have some back knowledge of the bear's personal life.
I'm not sure I'd go here because I don't know too many bears personally.
Then again you'd have to ask what the bear might know about you.
What if the bear has some dirt on you that outdoes the dirt you have on him?
If all this seems odd, wait till you watch the video. It does not end the way you think.
The end of the video takes you to the bear's home planet in the bear spaceship.
YEAH - told you it got weird.
The video is below. ENJOY!
OH and - don't take any of this advice. REALLY - don't.